Sammy Hagar had an alien encounter - well, it explains the hair

Seriously, who wouldn't want to abduct
that and see what's
going on in that man's head?

Sammy Hagar: Aliens 'were plugged into me'

Sammy Hagar isn't kidding. He says he really was abducted by aliens.

Good for him. I can say a lot of things, but that doesn’t make them true. Let me tell you, if it worked like that, a lot of things in my life would be different. But valiant effort there, Sammy.

While promoting his new book, Red: My Uncensored Life in Rock, which includes tales of sex, drugs and rock and roll, the former Van Halen singer told MTV Hive.com all about it.

Wait a minute, let me get this straight – he’s out promoting a book and he says something controversial like “I was abducted by aliens.” Purely coincidental.

Hagar, 63, says in his book that it was a dream, in which he was contacted by aliens in the foothills above Fontana, Calif.

No, his ghostwriter said it was a dream. Because no respectable writer would actually write that tripe.

Wait for it …

But now he's saying, "It was real. [Aliens] were plugged into me. It was a download situation. This was long before computers or any kind of wireless. There weren't even wireless telephones. Looking back now, it was like ... 'They downloaded something into me!' Or they uploaded something from my brain, like an experiment. 'See what this guy knows.'"

Is this what they plugged into you, Sammy? That was just
a crazy Friday night with your kinky girlfriend.

Oh, so what’s in your book is a lie – good to know. I’m going to go take it off my NookBook wishlist now that I know that. What a shock, Sammy Hagar, the man who ruined Van Halen, now ruined his own book. It seems to be a skill he’s got down pat.

Maybe they downloaded a governor into your head which is why you can’t drive 55.

And this actually happened?

Well, a lot can happen when you spend the 80s in a drug-induced haze.

"That happened. That friggin' happened, I'll tell you right now. Another thing happened when I was about four that I didn't put into the book. One time I saw what I considered to be, well, at the time I thought it was a car with no wheels. We lived out in the country and I saw this thing floating across a field, creating this big dust storm. I threw rocks at it and ... I don't know what happened after that."

Man, it’s not in the book? I’m so glad I took it off my wishlist at this point. I can’t tell you how many useless 80s musicians I’ve read their bios just hoping for juicy stories from before they started school. Once again, I am sorely disappointed. Dammit.

A thing floating across a field, creating a big dust storm … was it, maybe a crop duster? Or maybe … a dust storm? Nope, surely it had to be aliens. That was my next choice, really.

You blacked out?

"I guess. I just have no memory of it. And that wasn't a dream. It was during daylight."

One: “I just have no memory of it.” YOU WERE FOUR! Generally, by the time we’re in our teens we don’t necessarily remember the intimate details of when we were four. By the time we’re 63, after spending a large chunk of our lives cracked-out and drunk, you’re entirely lucky you wake up in the morning and remember your own name, let alone the details of an “alien invasion” when you were four.

Two: “It was during daylight.” But obviously it can’t be a dream because it was during daylight. Hmmm, have you ever taken a nap? I know I have. Have you ever had a dream featuring a course of events that took place during the day? I know I have. But what do I know? Obviously the rules are different when you’re Sammy Hagar.