It seems like only yesterday when trusty sidekicks in all things pop Moogaboo and D'luv sat down to sift through 10 years of jams to come up with the Chart Rigger list of the Top 40 Singles Of The '00s—yet here we are already doing our first Best list of the new decade.
Sure, radio let itself get clogged with chum on occasion throughout the past 12 months (see our 10 Worst Singles Of 2010 roundup). But here we're highlighting the songs that didn't make you want to go shoot up a strip mall every time you heard them. As usual, the singles listed need only have reached their peak chart position within 2010, even if they were technically released the year prior.
Moogaboo says: "Remember that time Usher went on E! and talked about getting a colonic? Well this year he gave his career a colonic, flushing out the r&b sound people stopped liking and infusing his colon—I mean songbook—with more current, classy dance beats. I loved it, and isn't that all that matters?" D'luv says: "Thank Christ I have no recollection of that. Poor Usher can't sing this song live to save his life, but hey–welcome to the world of having a Max Martin-produced hit. This driving, out-of-nowhere surprise was a radio life jacket amidst a sea of 'Airplanes' and 'Billionaire' this past summer." Charts: AUS #3, US #4, UK #7
D'luv says:"I'm still stunned that the UK treated the Atari-on-the-dancefloor greatness of Head First with all the warmth of Madonna's frozen-over Arctic snatch. Oh, well. The duo got the last laugh by scoring two Grammy nominations." Moogaboo says: "Goldfrapp were totally having a Flashbeagle moment and I love that it might win a Grammy. 'But I still wanna know/ how she got in the door' is also an adorably bitchy pop lyric." Charts: US DANCE #1, GER #32, UK #47
D'luv says: "Glambox could probably sing pages of the phone book and make it sound interesting. But this jam proved that with the right songwriters and right material, he could suddenly go from being good to iconic. Too bad there weren't more tracks like this on his debut album." Moogaboo says: "Note to Lambo: be P!nk more often." Charts: AUS #4, SWE #8, US #10
Moogaboo says: "As far as the current wave of nu-dance goes, only RiRi's really gotten the essence of house music's pulsating, hedonistic abandon. No jerky stops and starts for her, which is what makes 'Only Girl' so irresistible: it's almost menacing in its insistence that you dance." D'luv says: "God bless RiRi and her tireless work ethic. This jam had its haters from the get-go, but I loved the throbbing hotness from the first listen. Seriously, slap on some good headphones, crank it up and try to tell me that bass at 1:16 doesn't make your soul shake." Charts: US #1, UK #1, AUS #1, CAN #1
D'luv says: "There seemed to be such a rush of love for Kylie's Aphrodite right out of the gate that it appeared to have dried up by the time second single 'Get Outta My Way' arrived (except on the U.S. dance charts, where dreams—no matter how irrelevant—still come true, kidz). Still, there's no denying this was the giddy standout on an already A+ album." Moogaboo says: "Kylie's career is getting to the point where there aren't many options left between 'completely spent' and 'desperate', so I love that she managed to do something that sounded somewhat effortless and fun. This was the most-played song of 2010 at chez Moogaboo, so of course that means it had to flop." Charts: US Dance #1, BEL #5, UK #12
D'luv says: "If the New Millennium conjured up Lady Gaga as its answer to Madonna, then surely Synth-Pop Land needed a modern-day Pet Shop Boys, too. The drama-soaked beats of 'Wonderful Life' deservedly made Hurts a buzz-y act in 2010, while the Arthur Baker mix only added extra sparkle to the duo's cool factor." Moogaboo says: "These babes won me over with their stylish sense of drama. If they don't make out with each other next year, I'll be totally over it! But yes, it was all about that Arthur Baker mix with it's rattling polyrhythms and Shannon-derived whipcrack." Charts: POL #1, GER #2, SWI #4, UK #21
D'luv says: "A Danish pop act making an album of songs inspired by late '80s/early '90s Italo house act Black Box (a staple on the stereo D'luv during the teen years)—why, how could it fail? Don't answer that. I effing love this album, and 'DJ' never ceases to make me grin from ear to ear." Moogaboo says: "Martha Wash is waggin' a sassy finger at Alphabeat from her perch up in heaven! (I know she's still alive, but I bet she has an all-access pass to universes both real and mythological.)" Charts: DEN #6, UK #116
D'luv says: "I liked this song. Then I loved this song. Then I was over this song. Now I kinda love it again. It could have been higher here on our Best list were it not for the sheer novelty factor. Like, can you picture Cee Lo having another solo hit this big (without an expletive in the title) ever again?" Moogaboo says: "Well, no, I can't. But who can say for sure? Maybe he's the next Kylie! And even though he seems to have scammed this idea from the inimitable Lily Allen, I'll give him points for upping the bile and attaching it to an even funkier faux-Motown beat." Charts: UK #1, AUS #5, SWE #6, US #9
D'luv says: "And now we get to the song that both perplexes me and fills me with whimsical butterflies to no end. I absolutely, hands-down love 'Teenage Dream' and think it's one of the best pop songs in recent memory. That said, when I think of Katy Perry and her Jesus tits, I wanna wrap both hands around her neck and spare the universe from ever having to hear her low-rent, bottom-of-the-barrel live vocals again. But look—I'm just chalking the quality of this jam up to maestros Dr. Luke and Max Martin. If a real singer (say, Kelly Clarkson) had belted this out, it would have been #1 here." Moogaboo says: "I agree, Kelly could more convincingly portray the protagonist of 'Teenage Dream'—a forty-something, out-of-shape suburbanite yearning to recreate the exploits of youth with the lanky new paperboy. What a missed opportunity. However, Katy's bubbly personality and bouncy boobsiness still manage to put this one over the top. Pop heaven." Charts: US #1, POL #1, UK #2, GER #6
*POP SINGLE OF THE YEAR*
1. Robyn, "Dancing On My Own" D'luv says: "No one does stunning, addictive dancefloor heartbreak as deftly as Robyn. And while the broad made us wait nearly half a decade for new material, 'Dancing On My Own' made me realize that patience is indeed a virtue, and that crying under a strobe light is the most bittersweet kind of joy." Moogaboo says: "Oh, Robyn—you glittering disco sad-sack. I love your highly effective heartbreak tunes. Truth be told, I never thought you'd top 'With Every Heartbeat', 'Be Mine!' or 'Show Me Love'. Then you go and do it again with this, the perfect soundtrack for shedding tears beneath said strobe light while that hunk you just met in the men's room makes out with some ho across the dancefloor. Go on breaking my heart." Charts: SWE #1, US Dance #3, UK #8
Today my Idolator colleagues and I posted our 10 Out Of '10: Idolator's Favorite Albums Of The Year feature. I admit, there were way more good singles than full LPs this year—but a few artists still managed to craft decent records. Head on over to see which yours d'luvvly singled out!
It never fails—each year brings a new bucketful of rotten singles, causing trusty Chart Rigger sidekick Moogaboo and I put on the rubber gloves and fling them into the trash bin where they belong every December. And 2010 was certainly no exception! Below are the 10 biggest culprits of noise pollution we found lurking around the airwaves over the past 12 months.
Moogaboo says: "The public deflation Xtina's bloated sense of entitlement was one of the more entertaining disasters of the year. Lucky for her, the ball-gag muffled any potential screaming tantrums." D'luv says: "I will proudly admit that this song was one of my guilty pleasures in 2010. But I can also appreciate the sheer magnitude of flopdom is represents for Xtina's career. Plus, it wasn't the ultimate guilty pleasure. So here we are." PREVIOUS TRIUMPH:Christina soared to #6 on our Worst list in 2006 with "Ain't No Other Man."
Moogaboo says: "I realize this is supposed to be the 'full-circle' portion of the Robbie Williams redemption story, but I find him tiresome and his continued attempts at relevance more pathetic with each passing year. Next." PREVIOUS TRIUMPH:Robbie proudly reached #4 on our Worst list in 2006 with "Rudebox."
D'luv says: "Maybe if this song wasn't rammed up my ass every time I turned on the radio over the past six months, it wouldn't be here on this list. Alas..."
D'luv says: "If Cheryl used her mouth for something other than lip-syncing crap trash like this every time she got on a stage, she'd probably be able to keep a man."
Moogaboo says: "Someone needed to pull this doll aside and say, 'No. Just no.' Sadly, they didn't, and that's how Estelle went from Grammy winner to dumpster barnacle in one short year." D'luv says: "Wow—this really was a colossal flop on every level. Of course, if I paid a producer tens of thousands of dollars and this was the dreck they came up with for me, there would most definitely be a homicide."
4. Mike Posner, "Cooler Than Me"
Moogaboo says: "Finally, an anthem for insecure dildos."
D'luv says: "Good ol' Black Eyed Peas—always there to remind us that shit sells." Moogaboo says: "So true. This completely wipes out any good will they may have accrued with 'Meet Me Half Way' and reminds me that they're the same bozos who did 'My Humps'." PREVIOUS TRIUMPH:The Peas easily sailed to #5 on our Worst list in 2009 with "Boom Boom Pow", while Fergie received accolades when we dubbed "London Bridge" the #1 worst single of 2006.
2. Travie McCoy featuring Bruno Mars, "Billionaire"
D'luv says: "I wanna be a billionaire, too, so I can buy a city block and drop it on Travie McCoy's head." Moogaboo says: "Deserves a punch in the face for the porkpie hat and suspenders alone."
Moogaboo: "This doomed flotilla of Z-listers (and Streisand) capsized quickly, but I like to think their semi-sincere efforts did some good. Otherwise, we endured Jamie Foxx's obnoxious Ray Charles impression again for nothing." D'luv says: "Apparently it takes 80 or so people to fuck up a classic, stage the biggest non-event of the year, give Vince Vaughn a reason to sing and then, ultimately, flop. But, hey, man—Bieber."
As of today, Pet Shop Boys' new hits collection Ultimate is out in most countries (except for the U.S., where us Yanks have to wait till January). Timed to celebrate 25 years to the month since "West End Girls" hit #1 in the UK, Ultimate and its 19 tracks (18 hits plus new single "Together") got D'luv and his partner in pop banter/year-end lists Moogaboo wondering what a collection of the best PSBs non-singles would look like. You know—their standout album tracks, B-sides and even unreleased tunes.
Being fans of Neil Tennant and Chris Lowe since childhood, the two of us compiled what we're calling the 19 Most Essential Pet Shop Boys Non-Singles. And after having a drink then a couple more at the King Of Denmark and the Fortune Of War, we jotted down a few personal notes about each of our picks.
Of course, lists and music tastes are always going to be subjective. So let us know what you think we got right, what we got wrong and what we missed altogether. (And just know that in doing so, we'll be electronically flipping you off.)
19. "Later Tonight" (Please album track, 1986) D'LUV Says: "The first Pet Shop Boys album had a lot of optimism and heart. There's a really great clip of them doing this live on BBC's Whistle Test in 1986, which I used to watch on that Television VHS compilation. (Note Neil's intense stare toward the end!)" MOOG Says: "Most romantic song about jerking off ever."
18. "Up Against It" (Bilingual album track, 1996) MOOG Says: "This is one of their more melancholy dance numbers, and I love that the title comes from a never-produced Joe Orton screenplay for a Beatles movie."
17. "Try It (I'm In Love With A Married Man)" (Disco 3 album track, 2003) MOOG Says: "Bobby O was a loon, and until this inspired cover, I didn't think any of his tacky masterpieces could be improved. If only there had been a video!" D'LUV Says: "In the seven years since this came out, I actually never listened to the original Oh Romeo version—until now! Trashtastic."
16. "Falling" (Demo for Kylie Minogue, 1994—included on Very: Further Listening, 2001) D'LUV Says: "It's a shame Kylie was in full-on irony mode by the time the PSBs submitted this soaring dance-pop jam to her, because their demo is far more exciting than her sultry spoken word version. True, the lyrics aren't the most inspired, but there's a certain appeal to the desperate longing in Neil's delivery of them."
15. "Miserablism" ("Was It Worth It?" B-side, 1991—included on Alternative, 1995) D'LUV Says: "I wonder if Morrissey choked on a scone when he heard this obvious diss track? Love how Neil and Chris twist the knife by having such a peppy, upbeat chorus." MOOG Says: "They coined a clever phrase and wrote a corking track around it which, when you realize Morrissey was in his fallow Kill Uncle period, probably pissed him off even more!"
14. "Bounce" (Unreleased, 1988) D'LUV Says: "Despite the lyrics needing a bit of polishing, why 'Bounce' has never seen the light of day, even as a B-side, is one of pop's great mysteries." MOOG Says: "Could this not have been a total jam for Liza? I love the chitter-bell sound effect in the background. I made up that name. The Boys used that sound a lot. I'm sure it has a real name, but for now—chitter-bell.
13. "Forever In Love" (Relentless album track, 1993) MOOG Says: "The enigma that is Relentless offered up one of their swirliest dance jams, complete with classic Neil spoken verses. I always thought this was kind of an upbeat sister to 'We All Feel Better in the Dark'."
12. "King's Cross" (Actually album track, 1987) D'LUV Says: "When I got Actually for my 14th birthday, I really didn't understand what urban dread was. But I knew I wanted to experience it. This song will forever remind me of doing chores around my parents' house on wintry Sunday afternoons that year."
11. "Too Many People" ("I Wouldn't Normally Do This Kind Of Thing" B-side, 1993—included on Alternative, 1995) MOOG Says: "I always thought this sounded New Order-y, but couldn't place why. There's maybe a touch of Bernard Sumner in the way Neil contemplates the many facets of his personality." D'LUV Says: "Well, musically, it sounds like a darker version of New Order's 'World In Motion'."
10. "I Want To Wake Up" (Actually album track, 1987) MOOG Says: "I love this song so much. I even love the Johnny Marr mix with those weird lady-vocals shoved in before the chorus." D'LUV Says: "I heard this once on the radio in early 1988—which is odd to think now, considering it was never a single. Anyway, classic PSBs. Always loved the veiled 'gay confession' in the middle eight ('...you're in love with me, she's in love with me, but you know as well as I do I could never think of anyone but you')."
9. "Pandemonium" (Yes album track, 2009) MOOG Says: "Instead of ruining this one, a la 'Falling', Kylie turned it down flat. What is her problem? Just kidding. I love Kylie and I think she's brilliant, but I was NOT surprised to hear that Neil disinvited her from his annual fancy dress vampire panties party because of it."
8. "The Resurrectionist" ("I'm With Stupid" B-Side, 2006) D'LUV Says: "Absolutely love this. There's something telling about the fact that I haven't listened to Fundamental as a whole since 2006, but I usually at least play this jam on a weekly basis. Love the grave robber/gay hookup double-entendre: 'I met a man down Thieving Lane, he told me he was in the same game / We both talked the same body language, on Newgate Street we saw the hanging..."
7. "This Must Be The Place I Waited Years To Leave" (Behaviour album track, 1990) MOOG Says: "Whereas Morrissey or Depeche Mode would have made a song like this a total dirge, PSBs give it a tough backing track and a melody that somehow makes it a really fun, danceable dirge." D'LUV Says: "I've always been fascinated by the electronic 'Everybody, e-everybody' vocal running through. That alone makes this the best song on Behaviour."
6. "I Get Excited (You Get Excited Too)" ("Heart" B-side, 1988—included on Alternative, 1995) D'LUV Says: "This was originally meant to be included on Introspective, right? I'd have scrapped 'I Want A Dog' for this one, lads. Seriously, 'the clatter of the dustbin and the beat of my heart' truly sums up the Boys' whole 'flawed romance' aesthetic."
5. "Fugitive" (Fundamentalism album track, 2006—7" mix on "Beautiful People" EP, 2009) MOOG Says: "A large part of the fun of being a Pet Shop fan is awaiting those surprises hidden on bonus discs. Richard X works his magic on this so superbly, it's kind of a shame they didn't do more together. "
4. "A Different Point Of View" (Very album track, 1993) MOOG Says: "At the time, the two of them described Very as being like a a collection of Beatles songs with then-modern production. I think this track displays that sensibility proudly, and I think it might be my favorite off Very. (Although that changes daily.)" D'LUV Says: "The orchestra hits were pretty dated even for 1993, but I still smile from ear to ear when I hear this. It's near perfect pop, isn't it? My favorite part is at the 2:53 mark, when Neil drops out and the jubilant synths just carry on."
3. "Do I Have To?" ("Always On My Mind" B-side, 1987—included on Alternative, 1995) MOOG Says: "This B-side epitomizes everything that was so cool about them in 1987—it's urban, it's bleak, it's sexually on the down-low. " D'LUV Says: "...which probably explains why it soundtracked so many of my school bus rides in 1988 and 1989."
2. "I'm Not Scared" (Introspective album track, 1988) MOOG Says: "Christmas '89—I got Introspective from the 'tape club' and played this song to death, complete with one of those heartbreaking moments where the tape crimped, the stereo ate it and I had to re-spool it with a pencil. It was worth it." D'LUV Says: "Not to dismiss Eight Wonder's hit rendition, but there's so much more drama in Neil and Chris' own version. Completely foreboding. This is what I holed up in my bedroom and listened to as a tween while everyone else was into Pebbles? No wonder I'm in therapy."
1. "Young Offender" (Very album track, 1993) D'LUV Says: "I've already written my heart out about this track, so I'll just say that I can't imagine life without Very, or Very without 'Young Offender.' I think this is one of Neil and Chris' most forlorn, sad songs, and it only gets more poignant as you grow older and transition from being the young offender in question to being the aging narrator." MOOG Says: "The video game noises add a little touch of menace, too, don't they? Kind of like Uncle Neil's cruising the arcade."
