UK Chart: OMD Return + Bruno Mars Should Really Do Lines More Often

Bruno Mars should really just go slap down some cash for a giant bucket of coke and snort the shit like it's going out of style every time he throws a new record out. Because his Las Vegas arrest last Sunday for drug possession has led to his debut solo single "Just The Way You Are" topping both the U.S. and UK charts this week.

The rest of the Brit tally is a bit quiet, with minor blips coming in from Enrique Iglesias and Nicole Scherzinger's "Heartbeat" (#13), Glee Season 2 star Charice's "Pyramid" (#17), Mark Ronson & The Business Intl's "The Bike Song" (#21) and The Saturdays' "Higher" (#22).

Over on the UK album chart, Orchestral Manoeuvres In The Dark return after 14 years with History Of Modern (peek at my snazzy non-review), which enters at #28. The synth band's last studio album Universal hit #24 back in 1996, while the compilation The OMD Singles peaked at #16 in 1998.

The U.K. Top 10:

1. "Just The Way You Are" - Bruno Mars *new* *1 week*
2. "Dynamite" - Taio Cruz
3. "Teenage Dream" - Katy Perry
4. "For The First Time" - The Script
5. "Start Without You" - Alexandra Burke
6. "Love The Way You Lie" - Eminem feat. Rihanna
7. "Focus" - Emma's Imagination *new*
8. "Katy On A Mission" - Katy B
9. "Impossible" - Shontelle
10. "I'm In Love (I Wanna Do It)" - Alex Gaudino *new*

The Saturdays' "Higher" Video Thankfully Spares Us From Flo Frida

The Saturdays' "Higher" video has been blocked in this country, thanks to the VEVO police. But that's why God invented sketchy overseas video-sharing sites!

Have to admit, the Sats are seeming pretty generic with these past two releases (Headlines and Wordshaker). I used to think they had what it takes to replace that 10-legged stripper machine Girls Aloud, but now I think they'll just always be relegated to getting B-side throwaways and scraps from other girl bands' recording sessions.

Cute video, though.

Utterly Depressing Tweet Of The Week: From Mollie King Of The Saturdays

See, just when I was warming up to "Missing You," Mollie King of The Saturdays had to go and tweet the following this morning:

"Think some of you already know but I'm sooooooooo excited to tell you that our next single is a collaboration with FLO RIDA!!!!! Wahoooo!!!!"

Can we get another horsefly in the house?

INNA Is Trantastic!

The Saturdays' Headlines! mini album, a chunk of which is recycled trash from previous LP Wordshaker, settles for a #3 debut on the British album chart this week as Iron Maiden (hot) enter at #1 and Eminem hangs in at #2.

Over on the singles chart, the Sats drop from last week's debut position of #3 with "Missing You" to #7. Some other garbage slides into the UK chart this week, like Roll Deep's "Green Light" at #1 and Eastern European tranzbot INNA at #14 with her latest hooker jam "Amazing."



Every time this broad sings, she looks like she just sat on a traffic cone. Normally you'd think that would make her smile. But here she just looks pained. Amazing!

The U.K. Top 10:

1. "Green Light" - Roll Deep *new* *1 week*
2. "Love The Way You Lie" - Eminem feat. Rihanna
3. "Club Can't Handle Me" - Flo Rida feat. David Guetta
4. "We No Speak Americano" - Yolanda Be Cool & DCUP
5. "Beautiful Monster" - Ne-Yo
6. "Billionaire" - Travie McCoy feat. Bruno Mars
7. "Missing You" - The Saturdays
8. "Airplanes" - B.o.B feat. Hayley Williams
9. "Pack Up" - Eliza Doolittle
10. "All Time Low" - The Wanted

The Saturdays Are On A Somewhat Boring Roll

It's a shame that, for all their UK Top 10 hits (seven total now), The Saturdays have yet to hit #1. Granted, most of the dross on Wordshaker was utterly derivative. But when all is said and done, folks will probably come to find they have quite a tidy greatest hits collection when the singles are played consecutively.

And so this week the ho pack's eighth single "Missing You"—the first release off the Headlines! mini album—pops into the Brit chart at #3. The point of Headlines!, which contains previously-released singles "Ego" and "Forever Is Over" plus a remix of Wordshaker track "One Shot, is a mystery. Still, "Karma" is kind of nice for one or two listens before you eventually end up deleting the entire thing off your iTunes.

Funny how the Sats have yet to release anything as exciting as their first two single "If This Is Love" and "Up," the former of which came out two years ago now. At this point, that seems like a lifetime.

The U.K. Top 10:

1. "Club Can't Handle Me" - Flo Rida feat. David Guetta - Ne-Yo *1 week*
2. "Love The Way You Lie" - Eminem feat. Rihanna
3. "Missing You" - The Saturdays *new*
4. "We No Speak Americano" - Yolanda Be Cool & DCUP
5. "Beautiful Monster" - Ne-Yo
6. "Billionaire" - Travie McCoy feat. Bruno Mars
7. "Airplanes" - B.o.B feat. Hayley Williams
8. "All Time Low" - The Wanted
9. "Pack Up" - Eliza Doolittle
10. "In My System" - Tinchy Stryder *new*

Now That Ne-Yo Knocked The Wanted Down To #5, I Have A Better Chance At Having Sex With Them

The Wanted's stay at #1 in the UK with debut single "All Time Low" was short lived, as Ne-Yo's fancy loafers came along and booted them down to #5 this week. I'm still not decided on "Beautiful Monster," either; much like Ne-Yo's 2008 hit "Closer," I kind of appreciate it—but it's just not grabbing me like his older jams "Because Of You" and "Sexy Love" did right away. Both he and Stargate can do better, I'm afraid.

At any rate, we really do seem to be in the doldrums of the pre-fall releases now. Katy Perry is putting a damn single out a week and Eminem and Rihanna's "Love The Way You Lie" is so overplayed that I'm thinking of putting a cork screw through my eardrum next time I hear it on the radio. (So, basically, I'll just have to go flip it on and start stabbing.)



Here's hoping The Saturdays' semi-decent "Missing You," which is now out, shakes things up a bit next week. After all, it's been so long since we've had a nice pack of strippers sliding down the pole that is the UK chart in an upside-down split on a Sunday.

Hail Jesus!!!!

The U.K. Top 10:

1. "Beautiful Monster" - Ne-Yo *new* *1 week*
2. "Club Can't Handle Me" - Flo Rida feat. David Guetta
3. "We No Speak Americano" - Yolanda Be Cool & DCUP
4. "Love The Way You Lie" - Eminem feat. Rihanna
5. "All Time Low" - The Wanted
6. "Billionaire" - Travie McCoy feat. Bruno Mars
7. "Airplanes" - B.o.B feat. Hayley Williams
8. "Pack Up" - Eliza Doolittle
9. "One (Your Name)" - Swedish House Mafia feat. Pharrell
10. "California Gurls" - Katy Perry

The Saturdays Do 'Alan Carr: Chatty Man' And Discuss That Bullshit With Mollie And The Horsefly

The Saturdays were on the Sunday night episode of Alan Carr: Chatty Man. The broads sat for a sassy little interview, where they ran through each of their love lives and various paparazzi shots, and Mollie King even talked about that B.S. where she missed performing at T4 On The Beach last month because she got bit by a horsefly.



She's just lucky it didn't bite her on the tit. Below is the group doing an upbeat mix of new single "Missing You." Hottie backup dancers.

The Saturdays' New Album 'Headlines' Isn't An Album, It's An EP?

What rock have I been sleeping under? I thought The Saturdays' Headlines! was going to be a full-on album? Guess it's an EP.

Oh well, I've expressed my thoughts on these broads post-Wordshaker. This had better be good. Below is some trash Sats member Una Healy (not the one who got bitten by the horsefly, sadly) said in an interview with RTE TEN:

"We have a single out called 'Missing You' on the 9th of August... Then we have a mini album coming out at the end of August, loads of summer shows all over the UK , performing all the time, and that's it really! And we have a book coming out in September, an autobiography about who we were before the band, how we got into the band and how it's been until now."

Headlines! is out August 16. Here's the tracklist:

1. Missing You
2. Ego
3. Higher
4. Forever Is Over
5. Died In Your Eyes
6. Karma
7. Puppet
8. One Shot (Starsmith Mix)

The Saturdays Are Super Classy Broads

I have to admit, that last album from The Saturdays was such unbelievable shit that I went off them real quick. Which was a shame, since I was totally into Chasing Lights for a stretch in late 2008 and early 2009.

And so I barely paid attention to "Missing You," the first single off the Sats' upcoming third album Headlines—mostly because the day the video premiered a week or two back, it wasn't able to be viewed in the U.S. Fuck that shit.

However, the broads performed the song for the first time live at T4 On The Beach on Sunday, though member Mollie King had to sit the gig out because she got bit by a horsefly and is on crutches. Which is so classy that now I'm kind of back into these strippers again.